Choosing to Unnumb

That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12:10

Choosing to unnumb…

I started first drinking when I was a teenager, about 14. I remember getting buzzed for the first time at a family friend’s New Year’s Eve party. When I first started drinking I felt like it was just a fun thing to do with my friends. Homecoming, prom, after parties, skipping parties, bored at home with friends, drink… Why not? When I first started college partying was an almost every weekend event, and we’d drink… what else were we suppose to do? As I got older the drinking turned into smoking weed. Then I felt like well since drinking is bad for you, at least weed isn’t addictive or give you hangovers. Smoking weed was bitter sweet. I used to say it would feel like, “taking my mind on an adventure.” I’m a naturally a deep thinker, weed made me think a lot which felt good for a little bit but then…the paranoia would come in, and I could not tell the difference between the truth and the lies that my mind would tell me. Overtime I started realizing that weed was both a nice relief, but really bad for me at the same time. All my friends, or people who smoke would ask me if it was maybe just the strand… well I don’t know much about the logistics of weed all I knew was that it would get me high, and it all had the same effect, at least that’s what it felt like to me. Relaxing, then paranoid, and then it would make me not even be able to hold a decent conversation. So yeah… weed was not for me. With alcohol… well it’s not like I was an alcoholic I just liked to drink socially and maybe a few times a week drink wine while watching a good reality tv show, where people on there were ALSO drinking. I know for a lot of people this seems really common and normal. You could even say drinking and smoking weed has even become as common as drinking coffee. Well I don’t know about you and your journey, but I do know that for me it’s been something that I’ve used to numb my feelings. I didn’t know it consciously at the time, but overtime I’ve realized that it all just numbed me from feeling what I actually felt….uncomfortable, anxious, sad, and maybe even depressed. When realized I wanted to stop numbing myself I realized that I could actually give myself a chance to truly live. To embrace God’s goodness and love that He has for me. To be happy and joyful in a healthy way, and more than anything a chance to face those demons of depression, anxiety, and sadness that I was just prolonging in my system while I numbed them out. If I could un-numb myself I had a chance to fight those feelings out, and truly be happy the right way. Would that mean that I would be invited to parties less? Yes. Or that in some situations I would be kinda bored? Maybe. Or that I would be uncomfortable in a social setting where everyone was drinking and I wasn’t… yeah. But it’s worth. Deciding to un-numb myself took a few hard events to take place. To me my “numb-ers” were weed and alcohol, to you it might be something else like food, overspending, Netflix etc. It’s painful and it’s hard to get away from things that numbed you for such a long time, but it’s worth the fight. And through it all I’m here to remind you of this beautiful scripture from Paul. He says this while in prison and he talks about how through his weakness God gives us strength. So through our pain and weakness remember who your strength is. Praying that God will also free you from your “numb-ers” and un numb you!

God bless you,

Have a great week 🙂