Then Jesus said to him,  “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.”

John 5:8 NIV

I can’t cry.
Because if the many tears that are dried up in my eyes I can’t cry.
I move.
Because of movements that i made in my mind I can’t cry.
I can’t sing.
Not because I don’t try, or because of the rejection of my voice but because I can’t cry.
I can’t speak.
Not because of my lack of words but because of the will that stops the fear from pushing through.
I can’t breathe.
Not because of my lack of lungs but because of the strong holds of my heart that keep my lungs from producing air.
I can’t cry.
But just because I can’t, cry, move, sing, speak,
I can’t grieve, not because of the lack of pain but because of the will that won’t let me go down to those pain moldly black holes in my heart.
I can’t grieve.
Or rather.
I won’t cry.
I won’t move.
I won’t sing.
I won’t speak.
I won’t breathe.
I won’t grieve.
Holy Sprit help me be obedient to the promptings of your healing grace and power:
Help me to pick up my mat and cry.